Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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