He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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