I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
