he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
