i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
