so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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