Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
