PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
