I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize