Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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