she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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