let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize