I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am available for nakedness
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
