in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
