mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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