He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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