You just made me feel so damn special
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
