I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
