its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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