Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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