she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
