Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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