theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This is classic penis vs brain.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
