Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
