Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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