I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
