i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
