I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
