Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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