I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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