I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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