was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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