I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
