So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
