i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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