so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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