My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
