when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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