No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
