I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
