Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
