masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't trust your balls anymore.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
