and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were trust falling into bushes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
