3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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