I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
