her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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