While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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