I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize