never play flip cup with pint glasses
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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