A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
