guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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