well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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