My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize