I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
