East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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