His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
