This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
