Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
only if we run a train.
done.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How's work?
Spinning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
