Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
In the future we'll all be gay
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
