My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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