I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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