Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
