using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
