How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
