She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
