**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
