You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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