if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
