He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
