I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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