the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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