I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize