i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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