there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
