apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
