Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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