My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
