i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
