Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize