Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
