10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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