There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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