how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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