My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
