My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize