i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
