Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
