I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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