i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you win again, gameday.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
