My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
