Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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