Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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