You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
