I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
