you guys were way drunker than both of me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
