I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
