you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
