We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
