he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
