Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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