peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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