I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
